The Matrix mall
by chinchilla-in-a-bowl
Summary: The final chapter! the fun and OOCness continues as Neo goes shopping... R,R and enjoy! Sob...sob...[COMPLETE]
1. The weakest agent

The Matrix Mall  
  
This is my first fan fiction, though I've been a reader of work for a while! I am sorry if this copies someone's work, as far as I know it s an original work, as I haven't had time to read everyone's work as great as I'm sure it is....... This is kinda set the first movie..  
  
Disclaimer: None of the original Matrix characters belong to me. A passing shopper, however is my character. She will develop!  
  
Neo stood in the massive entrance hall his head turning left and right at the sights of passing shoppers dashing in and out of the many-glassed windows. He turned to Morpheous. "Where are we?" he asked.  
  
" This is the Matrix mall," Morpheous said, handing Neo a brightly coloured leaflet. " It is the source of necessity for all" Morpheous grinned at Neo's puzzled expression "Basically is it's black, shiny and looks good when you're fleeing from an agent, it's here. If we're going to be cowardly we might as well look good."  
  
"Eighty six of the hundred and seventy eight stores sell sunglasses" Neo read from the leaflet. "Is that really necessary?  
  
"Oh yes" said Morpheous.  
  
"Why am I here?" (If Morpheous had been the Oracle he would have been able to tell Neo that he was going to say that a hell of a lot. But Morpheous wasn't the oracle, though when given the chance he made great cookies.)  
  
" To look around," answered Morpheous "To revel in the world of the ordinary shopper without the worry that you will never find the car in the giant multi-storey car park"  
  
"Why don't we have to worry about that?"  
  
" I parked just over there"  
  
Neo turned his head to see that the car they had arrived in parked haphazardly in the middle of the decorative fountain. He shook his head in wonder at the amazing ideas these freedom fighters had. Why hadn't he ever thought of parking in the middle of a mall before? He followed a passing shopper, who looked strangely like Anne Robinson, into the nearest store.  
  
The shop he had entered was a bookstore. Seven thousand books lined the silver shelves. Neo looked across at his fellow shoppers. One, a young woman with blonde hair was engrossed in "Are you The One? The bumper quiz book", while a man in the next aisle was reading "The A to Z of shades". For a while Neo sat wondering at the marvellous delights of "Kung new: Kung fu for beginners", until Morpheous walked up "Ready to go?"  
  
"Sort of. I can't decide between "Harry Potter" and this book: "Guns, guns and more guns- a guide to guns"  
  
"Harry Potter is so unrealistic. There meant to be Heroes and they don't wear sunglasses! And you know what else? They even."Morpheous stopped. His problems with this book ran deep, but right now he was boring himself. He picked up "Alice and wonderland" "This book, however has a lot of useful metaphors in it." He proclaimed.  
  
Neo, however had walked to the counter where he was engaging in conversation with a young man who looked a lot like Agent Smith. After a while Neo began to recognise the man "You're an agent aren't you?" he asked conversationally. Smith sighed, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice. Bad knee. Can't really fight."  
  
"I don't even know how to fight," said Neo.  
  
"We have to fight though. It's like this unwritten rule"  
  
"It's not really unwritten though, is it? Said Neo  
  
"What do you mean?  
  
"Well it's on this memo we just got sent"  
  
FROM: Film high command TO: Neo and Agent Smith Msg: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? PS Where the hell is Trinity?  
  
The two nemesis looked at each other each wrapped deep in thought, until Neo remembered the woman reading the quiz book when he came in (See, annoying seemingly pointless descriptive bits are there for a reason) "I know!" he said,  
  
"Lets have a general knowledge quiz" Neo grabbed a copy of the weakest link bumper quiz book off a passing shopper. (Hooray for passing shopper! ye has saved the day!) "Ok question one: What word beginning with c describes a household pet who."  
  
"Cat" said Smith  
  
"Let me finish! What word beginning with c describes a household pet who has connections to witchcraft."  
  
"Cat" said Smith, slightly angrier this time.  
  
"You are so rude! Said Neo "What word beginning with c describes a household pet who has connections to witchcraft and were sacred animals to the Egypt.  
  
"CAT!" yelled Smith his eyes protruding with anger. (If he could Smith would be banging his head against the wall, but the wall didn't exist- it was a computerised figment of a geniuses imagination, so it wasn't really worth it.)  
  
Yet Neo carried on "Egyptians, and are often portrayed as dogs worst enemies?" There was a pause.  
  
Neo coughed. "Do you want me to repeat the question?"  
  
"NO!" It's CAT! C-A-T! How many times?" yelled Smith  
  
"Hang on, I'll just check the back of the book. yes Cat is correct. though I would have also excepted feline or kitty. You have one hundred pounds. Would you like to bank it?" Neo said  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Well you can't. My turn, you ask me one"  
  
Smith sighed taking the book "Ok, Which chemical element..,"  
  
"Potassium " Neo cut across  
  
"Incorrect Mr Anderson." Smith laughed cruelly.  
  
"I'm the One, who needs a ready mind full of General knowledge when I can just do this." Neo kicked Smith out through the wall of the shop. "I wish people would stop doing that!" sighed the shopkeeper, dismally picking up the phone to call for maintenance.  
  
Review please..........((((( 


	2. Obviously, there is no spoon

Disclaimer: refer to last chapter. Thanks for reviews. Ok chapter 2. Takes a deep breath Ok here goes.  
  
The morning had been quite a trial for young Neo. Kicking an agent out of a bookshop, and consequently being banned for life was a hard mornings work, especially for a man who would usually spend his mornings in bed watching 1980s sitcoms on an illegal satellite channel.  
  
Secretly he was glad he had been banned from the shop: in his days in the Matrix he hadn't liked reading, and had preferred to drive around the city, playing music annoyingly loud, scaring pensioners and young children. It was a pastime he was already missing.  
  
Anyway. Neo was sitting in a restaurant, waiting for dessert. The passing shopper he had seen earlier was watching him under skewed sunglasses. Before he could karate chop her into pieces and get chucked out of the second shop of the day, his pudding arrived: - a 30-centimetre tall ice cream sundae adorned with sparklers.  
  
Yet something was missing "Excuse me?" he asked the waitress, who was very attractive, but smelled of rotting wood.  
  
"What can I do you for sir?" she replied. The man looked familiar and she did a double take. Her eyes raked his hairline, maybe he was known for having a disfiguring scar shaped like a type of weather. But no.  
  
Morpheous, (who was there just playing a game of chess in his head with an imaginary opponent, a task that took up the part of his brain he usually used to deliver confusing speeches, but therefore was silent) had noticed (despite the chess) that the Waitress was searching Neo's hairline. He gulped and slouched down in his chair feeling guilty that in an act of jealousy, he had poured the last of the anti dandruff shampoo down the plughole.  
  
Neo was wondering why everyone was staring. He had to something to break the silence.  
  
"Excuse me, there is no spoon."  
  
"Well duh!" sighed the waitress in a rude manner, not unlike Agent Smith in the previous chapter.  
  
Neo wondered if he was ever going to meet anyone with manners in the real world, or more to the point, anyone not wearing something that looked like they were going to a funeral somewhere sunny.  
  
But before the profundity of the fact there was no spoon had sunk into the surrounding area, passing shopper, whose name does not matter (ok. ok. call her Florence. Happy now?) had reached across the table and knocked the sparklers in the top of the sundae into each other, causing an explosion, and Neo found himself spread eagled on the floor outside the shop with very little dignity and still no damn spoon!  
  
Thank you for reading! Will carry on with Neo buying sunglasses (or shades whatever you like to call them) in the next chapter hopefully quite soon! 


	3. Buying shades: an oddessy

Thanks for my reviews again, thought I'd carry on with a bit off sunglasses buying..... Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from the setting (I don't literally own a shopping complex but.) and the mad assassin shopper, Florence. (Yeah. She's on my side!!!!)  
  
Morpheous, Trinity and Neo walked through the mall, the silence only interrupted by some sort of inter store radio station that was playing in the background; which had just announced that they had dedicated the rest of the day to playing remixed spice girls albums. Radio ain't what it used to be.  
  
Neo looked up to see that Trinity, who had joined them shortly after he had come round from the explosion of the restaurant, had disappeared again.  
  
"Where did Trinity go?" He asked Morpheous. Morpheous whose mind has been elsewhere (chess) jumped, startled by what Neo had just said.  
  
"Err, Neo, Trinity was ever here, it's just been you and me all along." Neo was startled to feel someone tap on his back, and he turned to see Trinity standing there. "Where did you go?" he asked her.  
  
"You hit your head pretty hard. I'm just a hallucination, Neo. I come and go when I please." And with that she rode away on a purple and green buffalo- cross- horse.  
  
Morpheous, meanwhile was back where he was better aquatinted, among the Knights, castles and pawns of the chess board, ending his current game with a spectacular checkmate that he hoped would keep the voices in his head quiet for the rest of the day, he turned to Neo.  
  
"Next were going to get your shades, goin' to Bollivanders, aint no place like it." Morpheous coughed, slipping out of the British country accent he has been using.  
  
"This way."  
  
Neo walked into the dark musty room, that had sunglasses piled high to the roof on either side. Behind the counter stood a man wearing Baggy gold jeans and a ripped T Shirt that read Manners maketh man. On his head he wore a cap with drink holders attached. Neo was happy he had finally found someone who dressed normally.  
  
Or close enough, anyway.  
  
The man walked over with some shades but before he got to him he noticed Morpheous. "Morph!" he cried " plastic, no side arms made to balance nicely on ones nose, I seem to recall."  
  
It was a second before Neo realised they were talking about sunglasses rather than some sort of nose trapeze artist doll.  
  
The man put some shades on Neo's nose. As he did he said "Norwegian glass, side arms, 4 centimetre diameter."  
  
Neo frowned at his reflection. Nothing was happening. "Fine fine, difficult customer are we? Snarled the man.  
  
That was a bit unfair, thought Neo- he had only tried on one pair so far.  
  
Luckily (for the reader more than anything) the second pair he tried on were a success i.e.-they made him look cool. The shades, according the shop keeper were "Non scratch able Perspex with side arms and a 7 centimetre lens diameter."  
  
The shopkeeper crept right up to Neo "Curious" he whispered. "I only cut two pairs of sunglasses from that sheet of non scratch able Perspex." (Hereafter abbreviated to N.S.P.)  
  
Neo sighed: - he was sure he had heard this somewhere before.  
  
"It is strange that you should be destined for this pair, when the other."  
  
(A very long dramatic pause)  
  
" I lost down the back of the shelving unit last weekend." Finished the shopkeeper.  
  
Neo paid and left the shop without making a scene, and stepped out in to the light of the main mall, the inter store radio playing "Wannabe" (Funky dog mix) while Trinity's Buffalo horse was eating synthetic grass outside a gardening stall.  
  
Thank you for reading chapter three. Please review; it keeps the chinchilla happy. 


	4. Parrots can ruin your life

Thanks for reviews- all are much appreciated. With no further ado, our epic continues.  
  
Neo stood in the toyshop, a smirk covering his annoyingly handsome face. The smirk was directed at Morpheous, who was standing with a simple looking puzzle in his left hand. "You mean to say." Said Neo, his tone mocking, "that you can Captain an entire ship, and make some damn confusing speeches, but you can't figure out a Childs puzzle?"  
  
Morpheous blushed (even as the writer I'm surprised Morpheous would ever blush) and threw the toy down in a fit of rage. (That's more like it.) "Why are we even here Neo?" he asked angrily.  
  
Neo put on a deep, stupid Morpheous- type voice "To revel in the world of the ordinary shopper and try and get you hurt and embarrassed as much as possible, Neo."  
  
"I never said that!"  
  
"Could have fooled me!" said Neo, and stalked off to the counter to buy his whoopee cushion.  
  
Morpheous turned to leave when: -  
  
"Ooh sexy, nice coat!" Morpheous turned, rather hoping to see Niobe and rather shocked when he saw a small, red and green plastic parrot. That now lay silent staring at his with its glassy eyes. He turned again to leave but: -  
  
"Leaving so soon lover boy?" Morpheous turned, and again the parrot lay silent  
  
"So I suppose you think you're funny?" asked Morpheous.  
  
A slight pause. Not very long, but just long enough for Florence to lead the buffalo horse past the window. This time the parrot answered:  
  
" I don't think I'm funny young man. I am simply here to advise, to help, to give seemingly pointless clues to a better life."  
  
"Hmm. Kind of like the oracle."  
  
"Do you really think it's so strange we're related?"  
  
"No not really." Said Morpheous dryly. "Ever since someone came along and told me my whole life was a dream nothing much surprises me."  
  
Meanwhile, over at the counter, Neo was trying to get the shopkeeper's attention. "Excuse Me," he said to the man who has his back to him. "Can I buy this whoopee cushion?" Without turning the man replied in a slick evil tone:  
  
"So your the one who's meant to save the world, and yet your standing in a shop who's market is aimed at six year olds, buying a whoopee cushion. Don't you think that's a bit pathetic?"  
  
"Good point" said Neo, not at all surprised that a man facing in the wrong direction could tell who he was and his life's purpose. " I'll get two whoopee cushions. And a couple of troll dolls. And Barbie. And one of those fake plastic telephones. Also can you stick in one of those cars with the sound effects, as well as some kind of comedy hat."  
  
"Will that be all?" asked the shopkeeper evilly.  
  
"For now," said Neo. The shopkeeper turned around to give Neo his shopping. In an instant Neo realised where he knew that voice from. "Agent Smith!"  
  
"It may surprise you to learn, Mr Anderson, that computer programs do have hobbies. Some Agents collect stamps or interestingly shaped teapots. Agent Brown enjoys figure skating. I, however, run a toyshop."  
  
"But your evil! You can't run a toyshop!" said Neo, expecting Agent Smith to punch him into oblivion. On the contrary, Smith just looked hurt.  
  
"That's it, put me in a pigeon hole! Next you'll be saying ugly men can't enter Miss World!"  
  
"No, the clue's kind of in the name, but-,"  
  
"Oh shut up Mr Anderson, your problem is that your too narrow minded! Look at this," he said pointing at a painting "when you look at this, what do you see?"  
  
"Umm. A painting" said Neo, wishing he had taken the other pill.  
  
"What else could it be?" pressed Smith.  
  
"Umm.I guess if you turned it upside-down, you could use it as a dinner tray. Or..."  
  
"You are so annoying! Said Smith.  
  
"You're not without fault yourself you know! Your problem is-" started Neo  
  
"Oh yeah what's my problem?" asked Smith, cutting across him.  
  
"Your problem is-" Started Neo  
  
"What?" asked Smith.  
  
"YOU KEEP-" started Neo.  
  
"DOING WHAT?" asked Smith.  
  
"INTERUPTING PEOPLE!" said Neo, glad that at last he had got the words out. And with that Neo dusted off his jeans (wishing he was wearing pinstriped trousers, which would look a lot cooler) and turned on his heel to leave. His exit was only ruined when he tripped over a giant yellow furry duck (Birds are quite annoying in this chapter.) and got his head stuck through a poster advertising computer engineer Barbie, who came with a free computer, but no mouse due to small parts.  
  
***  
  
Neo, after finally freeing himself, walked to where Morpheous was standing arguing with the parrot. "If you can read my mind, what am I thinking now? Yelled Morpheous  
  
"You're playing chess." Answered the parrot uninterestedly. "As it's your turn, can I suggest you move knight to E6?"  
  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!  
  
"Or alternatively" said Neo "you could just turn him off." He pressed the switch and the parrot fell silent. They both stepped outside the shop and Neo looked up at the sign that read: AGENT SMITH'S TOY SHOP!" Neo laughed,(which, considering the day he was having, was quite impressive) "Should have guessed, really." he sighed.  
  
Ok. Thanks for reading. Review if you want. I know it's a bit ridiculous but hey! So are a lot of things. 


	5. Exlosions, however, ruin everybodys life

I realised there is no story line to this fic! "How careless of you!" I hear you cry. "Oh well!" I say back. I'm not really aware of how popular this fic is. Let me know if you want me to carry on, please. I'd really like to know. (No reviews for chapter 4 you see!). Here goes.  
  
Disclaimer: I own the Mall!!!! (But nowt else.)  
  
In the Matrix, Neo had had his own band. Yes. I know it's hard to believe, but Neo had been keen to help discontinue the rumour that all computer geeks had no hobbies and just lived for there PCs, sitting listlessly online waiting for equally sad geeks to pump out a new, but strangely familiar, version of MSN messenger. (I have nothing against MSN messenger.)  
  
That is why our travels take us to the Music store at the Matrix Mall. Neo had played a mean tambourine in his band named, 'who said music had to have a tune,' a statement fully agreed with by both their fans, who were probably deaf.  
  
Neo was relieved to find out that the store was not owned by a Harry Potter fan, someone who smelled of rotting wood or Agent Smith.  
  
However, it was no conventional music store. It seemed that all the instruments that had ever been made by children had somehow ended up here. Rattles made out of empty (Insert your favourite soft drink here) bottles, filled with rice lined the walls.  
  
Lost in all the clutter, Neo headed to the back of the store where a woman was sitting playing a guitar. "Would you like to hear my latest song?" asked the woman.  
  
"Couldn't hurt" Thought Neo. (How many times have people died in films after thinking this very thought. Oh well let's see what atrocity awaits Neo eh?)  
  
"It's about this girl who is throwing her boyfriend out. It's very feminist, power to women and all that."  
  
"Nice to see a song about something else other than love and break ups" Said Neo, who wasn't really concentrating. The woman sang, for some reason shouting the first word of each line.  
  
"GO, your wasting my time!  
  
AND your shirts really stink!  
  
BUY some new shirts!  
  
SOMETHING in pink would suit you!  
  
OR orange would look good to!  
  
GET some new ties too!  
  
OUT my door now!  
  
"Look, you should have just said, you don't have to sing!" sighed Neo.  
  
"You got the hidden message in my songs?" asked the woman, sounding shocked.  
  
"Yeah!" Neo said, hurt. "Personally, I have no problem with my dress sense, and I'm not going to make the mistake of taking clothes advice of a crazy lady with a guitar again! Look at the mess it got me into last time!" He said, pointing at some lime green clogs he was wearing.  
  
"Hang on, I have another song for you, look more carefully for the hidden message in this one."  
  
"TO love is a great gift  
  
SAVE the pain and sorrow  
  
THE something something tomorrow  
  
WORLD peace is what we're wishing for  
  
YOU are my bonnie sweetheart (Pity about the tie!)  
  
HAVE you considered marrying me lately?  
  
TO love is a great gift!  
  
The woman stopped abruptly. Neo had (finally!) got the message. "To save the world I have to-what? He asked.  
  
"Dunno. Kind of ran out of inspiration on that bit." said the woman.  
  
Not that it mattered- at that moment, Neo had realised the purpose of life and how he would save the world in one easy thought!  
  
Just then, the shop exploded, and the occupants of the shop were thrown sixty seven feet in the air (Or so they were told later by someone who had been passing with a massive ruler.) and landed back in the Mall. Neo seemed fine, but: - "Oh my god!" exclaimed Morpheous "falling from a great height can often stop you remembering stuff you just thought of" (Or speaking a sentence that makes sense! heh heh!) "Oh I doubt I've forgotten anything important" said Neo.  
  
Ok! Please Review. I didn't get any for the last chapter. The chinchilla needs you (Points aggressively!) Ha heh! 


	6. For unknown reasons, I plug my Bio

Ok. I'm carrying on!! You the reviewers saved the day. Thank you all! Still doesn't mean I don't want more though!!  
  
"Oh god!" grumbled Neo "It seems that this trips been going for ages, can't we just go home? Will it ever end?"  
  
"Of course Neo" replied Morpheous "Everything that has a beginning has an end." (A/N Sorry- couldn't resist!! () "First we have to go to the pet shop! I have to buy more pet food."  
  
A cheery little bell rang as they entered the shop and walked up to the counter.  
  
"Purple and green buffalo horse feed please!" said Morpheous  
  
"Sorry we're all sold out," answered the shopkeeper.  
  
"How can you sell out of food for a animal there is only one of in the world?"  
  
"Wait" said Neo "You mean that horse thing actually exists?"  
  
"Yes" replied Morpheous tiredly: - he was sick of all these questions. Why couldn't he have picked a quiet, sensible one without the craving for creating random anarchy wherever he went that Neo obviously had. "The only buffalo horse in the world belongs to Trinity and it exists only as a figment of your imagination."  
  
"Then why does it need food?"  
  
"Up until last week you only existed as a figment of your imagination, but you still needed food didn't you? Do you understand now?"  
  
"Well not entire-" Neo stopped, shocked by the look on Morpheous' face. Neo sure hoped Morpheous didn't have high cholesterol. "I understand perfectly. Couldn't be more sure."  
  
"Lets get the hell out of here!" Morpheous had never liked this shop very much. He had once got a nasty bite off a hamster, consequently leaving him so emotionally scared that he couldn't listen to The Pet shop boys without crying.  
  
But at that moment Neo had fallen in love. Not with Trinity (In a pet shop! That would never work! Where's the tall building the romantic but rather fake looking sunset?) but with a small animal, sitting squashed inside a goldfish bowl. The chinchilla's little nose was squashed against the glass and it looked a bit like a furry balloon, but also strangely authorative. (Look at my bio, and my name I speak from experience.)  
  
"No Neo, we can't get a pet, last one we got chewed though the TV cable." Morpheous' jaw ground slowly as he spoke.  
  
"We don't have a TV!" chirruped Neo. (See how annoying he is? He actually CHIRRUPED!)  
  
"Exactly." Replied Morpheous.  
  
"Don't worry said the shopkeeper. Were shipping him off to France next week any way. (Again, read my bio)  
  
And so they left the pet shop. Only one saw them leave. Peering from behind a wall.  
  
The Buffalo horse.  
  
Ok I know a bit weird, but review a certain chinchilla wants you to!!  
  
PLEASE!!!!!!  
  
GO ON  
  
JUST DO IT! (Not as in Nike) (I mean review!) 


	7. An ambitious vending machine

Ok. I keep updating because I'm on Holiday and I'm bored plus I wanted to have the chance o wish you all A Happy Christmas. Once again I'd like to say all reviews are welcome, even negative ones. Even ones that just say: "Read it, liked it" or "Are you mad this is so badddddddddddddd!" which are actually, slightly less welcome. Are you some kind of letter d obsessive?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and I really don't think people who have the power to sue me spend a lot of time reading Fan Fictions. Maybe I'm wrong. But come on people! They probably wear suits and everything.  
  
Oh and while I'm leaving this really long AN I would like to thank my present reviewers and wish them a very Happy Christmas and New Year.  
  
(After the feature presentation, look out for more useless author's notes.)  
  
It was time for a caffeine-based drink. Neo had a theory (he actually had lots of theories, a lot of which involved scantily clad dancing women, but this was probably his best theory.) that you should put up with a day for as long as possible, smile and laugh it off as bad luck, and hope that things got better. But there came a time where you had to write the day off as a complete waste of toothpaste and hit the coffee and cola so much that you found yourself awake and playing folk songs on a harmonica at five the next morning.  
  
After Trinity had first spoken to him in the club, he had drank eighteen cappuccinos and not slept for three days.  
  
In light of what was happening to him today he had decided cola was the way to go, and was standing in front of an old dusty vending machine in the main corridor, punching the button for a cool refreshing coke. (Who surprisingly are not sponsoring this fanfic. Their loss!)  
  
Nothing was happening. The machine was not reacting. He punched the button seventeen times. He even put on his new shades and tried a glare, but Smith made it look easier than it was. Neo hit his head against the vending machine sobbing for mercy. Hoping that everyone would still think he was a cool dude after this shopping trip; rather than the stupid, sundae loving, hallucinating, whoopee cushion buying un- perceptive, rodent loving caffeine addict he actually was.  
  
A note fluttered down from the inside the hole where you collect your refreshment. It said, "You suck, human!"  
  
"Well you suck too, vending machine!" said Neo, as a foul brown liquid seeped on to his clogs.  
  
Another piece of paper: "I'm not a vending machine I'm a small 500 watt microwave."  
  
Neo felt sorry for the machine: It was obviously delirious, and he told it so.  
  
He was now ready for the piece of paper that would come flying from inside.  
  
"Ever had a dream Neo?"  
  
Quite taken back by the fact a vending machine was talking to him, he said, "Yeah, I guess!"  
  
"We all do (Said the next piece of paper) I want to be a Microwave, and your friend Morpheous wants to play for the Captain's inter-craft chess team. Unfortunately, for both of us those dreams cannot come true. Perhaps to help me a little you could put your hand inside the coin chute, and I'll pretend I'm frying you. Would you make an old machine very happy?"  
  
"Sure" said Neo wiping the tears from his eyes. Never in his whole life had he heard a story so heart wrenchingly sad- he hoped one day, some one would write a film about it.  
  
But as soon he got near the machine a tentacle shot out and grabbed him around the head pulling him towards the place where you get your drink.  
  
"Help! Morpheous!" Neo cried, but it was too late. As he was sucked into the very heart of the machine. (If it had a heart! Hah!) He choked on cogs and nuts and screws. When-  
  
A strong arm caught his leg and began to pull.  
  
Trinity (real rather than hallucinatory) had been entering the Mall to find Morpheous when she saw Neo's predicament, she pulled as hard as she could to free him. Then from inside the machine, a voice: "STOP"! You're ripping my jacket!"  
  
A few minutes past and Neo was free. "Never trust a machine!" said Trinity as Morpheous came rushing up from a quick life-coaching course.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked (Stupid question Morpheous. He's the one. Of course he's all right!)  
  
They walked off into the mall together "Tell me one thing Morpheous?"  
  
"Anything!" said Morpheous warmly, for he had decided that Neo's nauseous stupidity was quite endearing.  
  
"Do really want to be on the chess team?"  
  
Ok! big thanks go to: loop da loopy Drucilla9992002 Richard the pedantic Nuriko no Mikos alocin Ghostwritten Danny Barefoot The-Blarney-stone They are my reviewers! Join them. Hit that review button! 


	8. Practicing for reloaded

Thanks to sci-fi freak Gordy for his many, many reviews and for telling me the proper way to spell Morpheus- surprised someone hasn't told me before actually!  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Linda Barker is an annoying woman on too many adverts and Curry's is a popular electrical shop that Linda Barker is on the adverts for. They are both very annoying. Luckily I don't own either of them. I also don't own PCZONE magazine, and what's the other thing? Oh yes, Matrix related characters and incident.  
  
The dank and dark closet Neo had taken to be a toilet of some kind suddenly lit up. It was covered in TV screens, all displaying different parts of the Mall. He must be in CCTV control, thought Neo.  
  
"You're in CCTV control," said Morpheus, who walked into the room after Neo, for once breaking the habit of a lifetime and saying something that was immediately obvious rather than shrouded in mystery and hurt your brain for six days afterwards.  
  
Neo looked a little closer. He could see everything, and for a while got the impression of what it might like to be God.  
  
In the restaurant, the waitress was chucking away spoons, checking no one was watching. In the music store a man was sampling a banjo, but trying to eat it when no one was looking. In the entrance, the vending machine had claimed another victim. The chinchilla in the bowl was slowly rolling out the pet shop door. In Agent Smiths toyshop, Neo was pleased to see, a sea captain was shoplifting yo-yos.  
  
Trinity entered the room and laid some flowers by the door.  
  
"Poor Garston!" she said.  
  
"Who?" asked Neo.  
  
"Garston was the head security guard here." started Morpheus, pausing only to wipe a tear from his eye. "He was dedicated, turning up to work in this very place every day, then a few weeks ago he was murdered, and rather ironically, no one saw his death. It was not even caught on camera!"  
  
"What are you doing here?" a man walked into the room, making it extremely cramped-there wasn't enough room to swing a sentinel. "I am the security guard here and I never gave you permission to be here, ergo, you must leave!"  
  
"Who?" Neo mouthed at Morpheus.  
  
"I am the architect, I designed the Matrix" He paused. "Well not really. I just like places with lots of television screens: I worked in the popular electrical retail outlet 'curry's' for a while; Vis a vis; I got sick of Linda Barker. And spicy food tends to make me gassy."  
  
"Can we call you Archie?"  
  
"No! Now leave! You are mucking up my flawlessness and sublimeness. You are making my room to crowded! Ergo, when the friendly man with a nice new high backed black chair arrives; it will not fit, making me much less scary and impressive."  
  
Neo didn't like to point out that the poor guy had egg on his tie.  
  
"You may exit that way." Said the architect.  
  
"If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again" said Neo.  
  
"Oh we will" said the architect and went to turn around on his chair when- "Little advice: next time we meet, bring a dictionary, and possibly some kind of translation device- it's going to be damn confusing!"  
  
A telephone rang to the left of them making both Trinity and Morpheus jump towards it. A woman's voice rang out. "Archie, beard trimmers on line one."  
  
The trio made for the door.  
  
"Oh apropos!" muttered the Architect under his breath, for some reason using as some kind of swear word. I guess you can use complicated words for anything if no one else knows what they mean.  
  
"Cripes I'm bad at this Architect thing, hope I get better before reloaded."  
  
The architect got up and pointed at two doors leading out.  
  
"Door number one leads back to the Mall, Door number two leads to a really long scary drop, the problem is choice etc, NOW GET OUT!"  
  
"I look forward to meeting you again." Said Neo politely.  
  
"Oh don't worry you won't remember a thing!"  
  
The trio turned, smiling, (makes a nice change) to leave (finally! They've spent the last half of this fic trying to leave!) Through door one.  
  
Out side in the corridor Morpheus turned to the other two "Well what a nice maAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH."  
  
Inside the Architect heard their yells. "Whoops, really ought to learn my doors". He said, and then turning back to PCZone magazine "guess I won't be seeing him after all."  
  
Despite this rather weird ending to this chapter it will continue. Mind you that's only if you review. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! 


	9. Scary speeches None lifechanging

Hi. While I'm here I thought I'd just say- sci freak grody spork: check out the top of chapter 8 again, if you haven't already! I know! I just realised! I still got your name wrong! Oh the shame...... Lupe and potectress of dalidon thanks for the reviews. Richard the pedantic, I just remembered what the CC in CCTV stood for! Closed circuit. So there you go.  
  
The trio stood in front of the pharmacy, looking up at the massive sign that said 'medication for every occasion, except Tuesday evenings!"  
  
"What do we get here?" asked Neo.  
  
"Those red and blue pills don't grow themselves, you know." Chuckled Morpheus "Well actually, they do, but, you know, they need someone to pick them and everything."  
  
Neo went for the door, but Trinity held out her arm, holding him back. Turning to Morpheus she said " Don't you think it would be metaphorical if we dived through the window?" she asked. So they did.  
  
Inside the shop, the shopkeeper was alerted to the entrance by a splinter of glass flying into his office and imbedding itself into his leg. Before getting up he glanced down at the sign resting against the table leg 'DO NOT DIVE THROUGH THIS WINDOW FOR PURPOSES METAPHORICAL OR OTHERWISE!" He really needed to hang it up.  
  
His spirits lifted as he saw it was Morpheus; because they were friends from ages back, but mainly, he was easy to shift useless products onto.  
  
Morpheus was not so happy to see his old buddy, because he knew too many embarrassing stories to do with him, but mainly because he kept trying to sell him dodgy products, and he felt he had to buy them out of guilt.  
  
"Morpheus!" shouted Benius, for that was the shop keepers name "Good to see you mate! Remember that time when we broke into that art gallery in the Matrix and put sunglasses on all the sculptures and sprayed "Free your mind!" all over the front wall, and they blamed it on those armadillo poachers?"  
  
"Not really." he stuttered looking suitably embarrassed.  
  
"Or the time we stuffed those-" started Benius  
  
"ANYWAY!" shouted Morpheus. "I want sixty red pills, sharpish!"  
  
"And the blue?" he spluttered, tears of mirth pouring down his cheeks.  
  
"No, still got the same one I had ten years ago."  
  
"No one has ever taken the blue pill? Neo asked.  
  
"Well if they do we tend to beat them into submission till they take the red one, then it's a memory loss pill and we're back on easy street." Said Morpheus trying a little fashionable hand gesture. He was obviously trying to show off in front of his mate.( As a writer, I have to wonder whether he should've bothered. Benius hadn't had a movie written about him and his pals, after all.)  
  
"Anything else mate? said Benius "I got a great line in fear of height reducing pills in. No need to worry about hanging from a helicopter with these babies in your trews!" (he wasn't showing off, he really talked like this.)  
  
"I seriously doubt I'll being doing that anytime soon." Laughed Morpheus, contributing the good old tradition of the film cliché (In this case saying your not going to do something, EVER, and then going right ahead and doing it)  
  
"Not your thing eh? How about these eye drops?"  
  
"Do they help you see in the dark?" asked Trinity (She wasn't really interested, she just hadn't said anything for ages.)  
  
"No, they make your mouth taste like Fairy washing up liquid for a while though."  
  
Nobody asked how Benius knew the taste of washing up liquid, as it brought up painful memories. When he had been in the Matrix, due to a fault in a computer, he had developed a love for house hold cleaning products. Despite a few strange glances most people had come to learn, love Benius, love his spring time fresh cleaning liquid. Interestingly enough (and everything's interesting enough for this fic) the same fault in a computer that had caused Benius to have his addiction, had also caused Britney Spears' first steps to fame.  
  
"There is one other thing you might be interested in. How about something to help you with those complicated speeches your fond of." Said Benius.  
  
"Yes, O.K." said Morpheus. (Can you see what's coming? Really? You can? Better than me at this point then!)  
  
Morpheus took the pill and... "Unaccustomed as I am to making speeches, I would just like to say that I'd never seen a couple more happy than Julia and David and on their wedding day, and after so many years knowing David and trying to flirt with Julia-"  
  
"That must be the wedding one" said Benius hurriedly shoving another pill into Morpheus' mouth. " This ought to do the trick."  
  
"Ashamed of your car? Can't really keep up with the neighbours? Why not try a brand new profession to top up your wage packet? Burglary can be a-"  
  
"No, that can't be it." This time he tried some medicine. With, obviously, a spoonful of sugar to help it go down.  
  
"Hey, I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?" said Morpheus. Benius looked at the bottle then put it in his pocket. Could come in useful.  
  
Then Morpheus collapsed.  
  
Twelve hours and 24 boxes of tastee wheat later, Morpheus came round. Shaking with anger.  
  
"Your going to get it this time Ben! Unless you can think of way to repay me?"  
  
"ummm the whole of Harry Potter 5 in pill form?" Benius asked " Edited to add bad language and violence? Honestly I think Hermione swearing adds-"  
  
Morpheus rose from the floor, fists clenched. Benius let out a high pitch squeal, unheard by the people around him, but several thousand dogs in the vicinity came running. Ben jumped on to the counter. Morpheus had friends in high places. (No. Really- He had a friend who owned a cherry picker) Ben grabbed a flame thrower, and Morpheus and the gang were forced to jump out of the window they came in through, undoing the metaphor.  
  
After running for a few blocks of shops they paused, and slowed to a walk.  
  
"What a jerk" said Trinity (she didn't actually say that she said something much more un-PG ish)  
  
"Nah, he's alright!" said Morpheus "He's kind of stupid when you meet him, but he nearly always sends you money to make up for it. I wonder if he will this time?"  
  
Neo clutched his hand around the money that had been the contents of the pharmacy's till. "I doubt it." He said. 


	10. Woh Woh Woh Is it magic?

Ok chapter 10! Keep on reviewing please! Reviewers who haven't reviewed for a while, please tell me if you're still reading and enjoying!  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own nothing. Especially grammar skills.  
  
"Morpheus?" asked Neo "is it just me, or is today beginning to look more and more implausible every few minutes?"  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Morpheus.  
  
"Well we seem to have been here for at least twenty four hours, and yet in all that time, we haven't had anything to eat or drink, me having failed at acquiring refreshments both times I tried. I fell over and started hallucinating, and yet I did not receive any medical attention. We broke into a CCTV controlled area and almost fell to our deaths with no apparent consequences. We've met people who have no place outside padded cells, running businesses. I just committed robbery, and yet nothing has happened to me, despite the rather extravagant amount of security employed"-as he said this he pointed to the 68 large men and women wielding baseball bats and eyeing them suspiciously. "So I was just wondering," continued Neo "if it had something to do with"- he dropped his voice- "magic?"  
  
"Magic!" Morpheus exclaimed.  
  
"You know, Harry Potter, Lord of the rings? The Lion, the witch, and the wardrobe?"  
  
"No. Definitely not." Said Morpheus looking decidedly shifty. "It's just a little technojiggery,!  
  
"I have some other questions", Neo said, unfurling a long piece of paper an handing them to Morpheus, who scanned the list then cleared his throat and answered them all at once:  
  
"Sentinels are not fairies of the night, Trinity is not un-dead, she's just very pale, we never smile because we're never happy, Agent Smith is not a very nice guy, just misunderstood..nor is he a boy wizard. Mouse does not turn into a mouse at night and try and eat peoples eyeballs, nor does switch turn into a light switch at the full moon. For the last time, you are not dead, far from it, , and finally, I am not your friendly uncle Gerald, though I don't have the papers to back that one up, so maybe we should leave that one unanswered. Happy now?"  
  
At that moment, the security guards who had been eying them suspiciously a paragraph or two ago, looked at Neo. Neo looked back at them. It happened to be a very bad idea to start a staring contest, and they started to chase the three heroes. Of course, the guards had no idea who they were, so they chased them up stairs, down stairs, up ladders and down snakes until the trio took refuge by diving through a small door.  
  
The surroundings were strangely white. When Trinity and Morpheus got up they both groaned softly.  
  
"Oh that's it, enter through my door and I save you from mad, bad security guards, but you can't stop complaining."  
  
Neo thought it was time to do what he did best. " Who are you? Why am I here? What? How?"  
  
"This is the shop of metaphors," whispered Trinity "It is a-"  
  
"I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW! I AM THE SHOP!"  
  
"So are you the shop metaphorically, or are you actually the shop?"  
  
"I am the shop!" the shop repeated. "I like double meanings, similes, metaphors and symbolism. I also enjoy daytime television."  
  
Neo coughed. It sounded strangely like "MAGIC!"  
  
Trinity had a coughing fit. It sounded strangely like "OH MY GOD WE CAN'T KICK THE ASS OFF A SHOP WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?"  
  
Morpheus had a coughing fit. It sounded strangely like " LETS BEAT IT AT IT'S OWN GAME AND CONFUSE IT WITH PHILOSOPHICAL CRAP, THEN RUN AWAY!"  
  
The other two nodded their agreement. "Can you step in the same river twice?" Neo asked the shop.  
  
"Are you asking me metaphorically or scientifically? I assume your asking me metaphorically I would have to say no."  
  
"Your getting mixed up in the questions in the metaphor, not the metaphors in the question." Said Morpheus. "Why no?"  
  
"No, because a river is always changing, each time you step into it the stones are rearranged a different way or the water has mover or so forth, meaning it's not the same bit of water."  
  
"Are you referring to a river in the matrix or a river in the real world though? Asked Trinity (she had taken a degree in computer science crossed with philosophy at university. Now a nearly non existent course, it its only taught in the French alps by a wise monk named Exodus Shakespeare Winalot, the only man in the world to be named after a book in the bible, a literacy genius, and a make of dog food.)  
  
"Because," pressed Trinity, " If your talking about a river in the matrix, it never was real in the first place, meaning the water and stones you speak of never actually existed in the first place either."  
  
The shop was silent then "errr"  
  
Then something dawned on Neo. He remembered a book he had read on philosophy at school " Yeah and there's another theory that we don't actually exist, and we're all living in a computer program." Two faces and a shop were silent. Two faces and a shop then suddenly cracked up laughing  
  
The noise was enough to attract the sixty plus security guards rooting around for them outside to run against the door all at once, and the door sprung open, and sixty security guards ran in to find nothing.  
  
It is a curious but little known fact, that most metaphorical shops have back doors. On the other hand, it was a metaphorical shop, and maybe what happened in this chapter only represented what really happened. Mind hurting? Philosophy can do that to you.  
  
Ok thank you for reading. It should be said at this point that "I won't bother really reviewing, I'll just metaphorically review" is just not good enough. Reviews are lovely. So please do actually review. Please... 


	11. Elbow

HI! Thank you to my reviewers, new and old. Spread the word! Tell you friends of this fanfic! Let them come running over the hilltops and bask in it's surreal light. Lets see if I can reach over 50 reviews before I stop writing (We could be entering the last few chapters..... but there is something new from me on the way) A question-how do you do italics? They never show up on the website version, I do my stories on word docs. Any help would be gratefully received.  
  
"Welcome to the gallery!" said the chirpy woman.  
  
It was one of those funky shops with startlingly white walls and wannabe intellectuals wearing monocles with fake lenses, sneering at the paintings and going "Ohh! The artist s possibly going through troublesome, angst ridden, turmoil!" before hastily hiding their thesaurus' in their back pockets (they don't call them pocket size for nothing.) Assorted food was served on those tiny silver tables that nothing fits on. A few computers were dotted around. It seemed this shop had a split personality disorder. It was trying to be a cyber café and an art gallery and not succeeding particularly well at either.  
  
Morpheus had entered to check his email (despite a petition, no one at AOL wanted to install broadband into the neb, claiming it was unsafe, for reasons that if I explained, would indecently go beyond the size any bracket should be) and introduce a bit of culture to Neo. Unfortunately Culture changed so fast in the Mall that the paintings had changed six times since they got there.  
  
So they settled down to their tasks, Morpheus checking his email, Trinity drinking a coffee with horribly hard to pronounce name, and Neo staring gormlessly out the window.  
  
Men yielding guns, with dark glasses seem to like to interrupt this sort of occasion, and today was no exception- a bullet hole soon made it's presence very clearly known in Trinity's mug and soon choca mocha locha whata kinda coffea hasa thisa stupida namea (for that was the name of the coffee) was all over the floor.  
  
"This is a hostage situation! Put your hands behind your heads and kneel on the floor!" They did. "Now and try and lick your own elbow!" The guy grinned "Nah, I'm kidding, that's impossible." Despite the fact this guy was threatening to kill them he seemed quite nice.  
  
"Not if you believe" said Neo.  
  
"Yes that's what my father told me," said un- named hostage dude two. "I kept on trying to lick my elbow, but I always failed. On the night of my sixteenth birthday I left forever. Went to hostage person school, and the rest is history!"  
  
Un named hostage dude one (who was not the one who spoke first, that was un-named hostage dude three) turned to Morpheus. " You seem like an intelligent kind of fella!" she said " What's your opinion on the whole elbow licking thing?"  
  
Morpheus paused. "It is one of the rules about the matrix we are taught when we are captains, we swear never to speak of them again, but you're a pretty nice albeit law breaking group of people so I think I'll tell you...  
  
"1. You can lick your own elbow if you......"  
  
"If you what?" asked Trinity  
  
"Well these rules have been taught for thousands of years, you see, and in that time the words on the paper the rules are written on kind of... faded away.  
  
"You mean the entire system we have running here is based on the rules of "You can lick your elbow if you......" asked Trinity.  
  
" Well can you think of a better motto to base your life on? Now, before this interruption I do believe you were holding us hostage, care to carry on?"  
  
"Well if you don't mind."  
  
"Certainly nothing better to do." Neo said cheerfully.  
  
Men yielding guns, with dark glasses seem to like to interrupt this sort of occasion, and today was no exception- a bullet hole soon made it's presence very clearly known in a table leg.  
  
"This is a hostage situation! Put your hands behind your heads and kneel on the floor!"  
  
The funny thing was, the two groups of hostage dudes looked exactly the same. Spooky eh? (No really! SPOOKY!)  
  
"GET DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU PUKE YOUR GUTS UP!" said unkind un named hostage dude three.  
  
"Now really there was no need for that!" said Kind un named hostage dude two.  
  
Meanwhile on the floor, The trio were having a conversation. "Lets hurt them!" said Trinity. So they did.  
  
Neo ran up to a hostage dude and preformed some sort of fancy kick type thing. (Hey, we all seen the movie!)"Ouch!" he said.  
  
"Oh sorry Kind un named hostage due one!"  
  
"Hey I'm Kind un named hostage dude two, Moron" Said (A/N why did I start this. WHY?) kind un named hostage dude two. And hit him right back.  
  
"Hmm maybe you should change that name to "Usually kind but aggressive when harmed hostage dude two." Said Neo, for the first time showing some super hero type wit. In this time Trinity and Morpheus had escaped to the door, living a path of unkind un named hostage dudes and usually kind but aggressive when harmed un named hostage dudes.  
  
So they walked to the exit. (well Trinity and Morpheus were already there but...)  
  
"Maybe I'll get another rule added to that piece of paper. Never trust anyone with a complicated name!" said Morpheus. Oh how the other two laughed.  
  
Ok. Please review. Forty third reviewer and onwards win an imaginary hostage dude of there very own. (Not a guarantee.) 


	12. It's not unusual to be loved by anyone O...

Ok, I'm assuming your not reviewing because at the bottom of the last chapter I said Reviews 43 and onwards get a free hostage dude. Well I've had a word with some people, and now you all get imaginary hostage dudes- That's EVERYONE! Cool or what? Again, I ask about italics. How?  
  
Without further ado here is chapter 12...  
  
Morpheus picked up the phone in his hand, looking at it casually, but really he was concentrating on a young shoplifter across the shop, sliding the mobile phones into his jacket pocket, then watching carefully as the alarm system went off as the young man went out the door. Life, he found, often had some great comic moments.  
  
Pondering on this thought, Morpheus started an inter-head Matrix based monopoly game. He had gone off chess. Unfortunately, just as he had picked up a chance card (Get out of jail free) he was interrupted by a certain dark head techno wizard. "So does this phone have snake?" he was asking a haggard shop assistant. "No sir..." "What do you mean it doesn't have snake? What's the point of having a phone if you can't play games?" The man handed him a leaflet and Neo opened it. "What the hell is a text message?  
  
Morpheus pushed Neo's voice out of his head, trying to concentrate on the monopoly. (What did it mean, "Second place in a beauty contest? I mean surely....")  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the shop The manager was shaking hands with Neo and Trinity.  
  
"Honestly sir" she said "We never have had any big star in our shop before... and what a lovely lady friend you have with you.... will you sign some merchandise? And with that she grabbed his arm ignoring Neo's cries of "But I'm not Tom Jones... it's just the leather jacket..."  
  
Inside the small office, the manageress looked greedily into the next room and the person standing there. The Irish pop god was chatting worriedly with his Girlfriend, he seemed to be worried about his coat, and was pointing to it and shaking his head, and the girl was laughing. The manageress shook her head. As this didn't happen to him all the time! And my! Didn't that botox work he looked about twenty years younger! She laughed-Well soon they'd be sorry.  
  
"Seriously Trinity, what are we going to do?" asked Neo, alias Tom Jones. He had been standing, wondering what he was doing in a phone shop, whistling "Sex bomb." And now this. "We could get Morpheus to help." Said Trinity between splutters of mirth "I'll just call him with my telekinetic brain powers"  
  
Out in the shop Morpheus was wondering whether he had enough money to buy a house in Zion centre. Blissfully unaware of anything else, Telekinetic or otherwise.  
  
"It's not working," squeaked Trinity (It was either her voice or the material of her outfit...) "we're in real trouble." "Why couldn't you get hold of him?" asked Neo "I've never been in a Tom Jones hold up situation before, I don't know if we can kung fu our way out of this one, we need to get hold of him..." The lady had entered the room from her office.  
  
"You could use one of our state of the art phones." Said the manageress. (Was that an evil glint in her eye as she said it? Thought Neo)  
  
"He's just in the shop, can't you just go and get him?" asked Neo  
  
"Nope" said the lady (Was that a demonic smile? Was it? Thought Neo)  
  
"Please use the phone." she said with a falsely sweet smile.  
  
"No way!" said Neo- there was something weird about this one, he thought. (When isn't there?) Trinity looked at Neo critically. What the hell was up with him?  
  
"I'll use the phone." She said simply and reached for it.  
  
Before the manageress could yell "NO I WANT TOM TO DO IT! Neo had dived in and knocked the phone out of Trinity's hand just as it touched her face. The phone clattered to the floor. And exploded.  
  
Unfortunately or fortunately (Depending on whether your good or evil) the explosion was no bigger than a match flaring up.  
  
"Damn! I knew I should of used Dynamite!" shouted the manageress.  
  
"You poor woman, you tried to kill Tom Jones. I pity you." He looked at the mangeress, disgusted.  
  
Meanwhile Trinity was looking at Neo in a new light. "You saved my life." She stuttered, for the first time realising the look of his deep loving eyes...  
  
"Not for the first time." he said softly, looking back into her eyes. "You need saving loads in the films, deep down you're a bit of a sissy really."  
  
"You don't chat up girls much do you?" she asked.  
  
"Hello Trinity, I was a reclusive computer geek! Not exactly sex god material!"  
  
They went and found Morpheus, who was standing still, his eyes glazed over. Trinity waved her hand over his face and back. And back again. Nothing..  
  
"Hello, Morpheus? Where are you"  
  
"I'm in jail" he answered. He looked at their surprised looks.  
  
"In jail?" they asked simultaneously.  
  
"It's ok though, I've got a get out of jail free card!".  
  
Review please. The chinchilla will use the warm fuzzy light of your reviews to do some glass moulding in his bowl. Ta Ta! 


	13. Where you would expect

Thank you for reviews, Carry on reviewing, please. Sorry I haven't up dated recently, exams, school play, holiday, dance contest, and some such got in the way!  
  
Thanks to Richard the pedantic, who nearly always reviews, right from the beginning, and deserves some credit! Hence being at the top of the page. Lupe3.14- is your name based on pi? I like pie, not pi! Princess of dalidon a great reviewer! To Raven213, thanks especially for your 12 reviews, they were much appreciated. I'm not sure if I'll bring Benius back, this fiction is mindless, I'm afraid, and so you're just going to have to put up with extremely random explosions every so often. OH WATCH OUT! THERE GOES ONE NOW! BOOM! And thanks to everyone else.  
  
"It's funny" mused Neo, "that after all this time in a Mall, we only come to a clothes shop now"  
  
"There is only so many types of fashion" replied Morpheus "Tight 'n' shiny, Dark 'n' menacing or white 'n' weird. There was a time when we all went around in sixties clothes- I think that must have been round about the sixties. And fifties clothes were popular in the fifties. I mean sure, these black outfits do look a little weird, but you should see the underwear..." he winked.  
  
"Ok" said Neo suspiciously and went to examine a clothes rail. From behind it up jumped a young sales assistant. "Hello sir can I help you, dress you, ask you out, take you home, marry you?"  
  
Neo eyed the girl- she was pretty cute, albeit slightly Barbie like. "Sure I'll take you out anytime, babe."  
  
"Great, you'll know my house in Zion cause it's dark depressing and metallic, next to another dark depressing and metallic house, next to another dark depressing and metallic house, which is next to another dark depressing and metallic house, which is next to a statue of Morpheus, dressed in nothing but a loin cloth."  
  
Neo decided he would rather kill himself than go past that statue, so walked away hands, slightly above his head.  
  
He headed towards the bargain barrel ("third hand clothes at second hand prices!") He really hated this shop with, its cheery exclamation marks and its stupid shop assistants who lived near weird statues of Morpheus. In a fit of unexpected and little shown emotion, he kicked over the bargain barrel. (Really a barrel, formerly of rum, nicked from The Pirates of the Caribbean shop downstairs.)  
  
Straight away two matching security guards stepped out from behind a door and grabbed his arms. They were tall, with long hair and obviously favoured the white 'n' weird type of fashion. "Come with us young man, we're going to machine gun you to death." Said one. "What, are you arresting me for kicking over a BARREL?!"  
  
"That and stealing copious amounts of money from the pharmacy, causing a riot, resisting arrest, criminal damage to a window, harming a valuable and historic vending machine and destroying a mobile phone. We weren't going to do anything but the barrel just clinched it." Said one.  
  
"DEATH!" said the other, in a low voice.  
  
Neo was led away to his cell. Upon arriving he was shocked at the décor. Nice curtains, laminate flooring, and strobe lighting effect, irritating modern art, and for some reason, a box of highlighting pens. It was almost like these twin guys had experience in D.I.Y. "Hope you like it!" sneered one Twin.  
  
"DESTRUCTION!" said the other.  
  
"What is with him?" Neo asked the less verbally challenged of the two. Twin one shrugged. Obviously not as chatty as he seemed.  
  
"SHOOT HIM!" said the second twin. And they left.  
  
In the next few hours, Neo tried everything to escape. Pacing moodily, hacking, and questioningly brooding............... what would he do?  
  
To be continued.............  
  
In what I'm sorry to say will probably be the final chapter of The Matrix Mall...  
  
(Not necessarily) COMING SOON! 


	14. Elevators and endings

To my faithful reviewers, and new readers alike, here I is (finally!) the final chapters...  
  
THE END OF AN ERA...  
  
That's when Neo remembered: due to large amount of money he had in his pocket, he could bribe the guards! "Hey Twin...thing." He started "How would you like" he quickly counted out half the money "some money!" He smiled in what he thought was a winning way. "Eh...I would rather KILL YOU!"  
  
"But this is Sixty thousand dollars-think how many machine guns that is!"

"Idiot" said Twin one. "In the Matrix money is immaterial-it doesn't matter. Besides we get these machine guns free if you collect 300000 tops of shampoo.  
  
Neo raised one eyebrow.  
  
"We have long hair, we use a lot!"  
  
Neo reappraised the situation. Running over the facts in his head: .....He had these twin guys... They wanted to kill him... They also had strong, soft, silky, hair... And they were proud of it.  
  
"I challenge you to a duel!" Neo sneered.  
  
"Oh yeah?!"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Oh yeah!?"  
  
"It's what I said wasn't it?" sighed Neo exasperatedly. "I challenge you that you can't tie your hair together an wrench open the door to my cell."  
  
"Ok" said Twin one.  
  
"Hang on," said the more sceptical on. "If we do that...our hair will get split."  
  
"But if you don't do it your face will." Snarled Neo.  
  
It was over in a matter of seconds. The twins were left tied to the door, wailing in agony. Neo was out laughing all the way to the elevator.  
  
He stuck his hand in the way of a closing door and wrenched it open, to find Trinity and Morpheus calmly descending to the entrance.  
  
"You were gonna leave me?" Neo spluttered.  
  
"Nah, we knew you'd get out. Oracle told us." Said Morpheus.  
  
"She actually told you something? Rather than mysteriously hint?!!" Neo asked them, flabbergasted.  
  
"Eh... I just went for the cookies, mainly." Replied Trinity.  
  
At the next level two people barged there way into the lift, clearly having some sort of argument.  
  
"I'm telling you smithy, always, always kick, cos then it doesn't look so bad, you see, and YOU!" the man had spotted Neo. The man was Benius.  
  
"You stole my money!" shouted Benius.  
  
"Yeah well you stole my dignity!" replied Morpheus.  
  
"Well that wouldn't be hard!" smirked Smith.  
  
Neo thought he better intervene before the situation turned into a tacky soap opera. Mind you they were nearly there already. They had the villain, the stupid one, the hero, and the girlfriend. All they needed now was the tragically depressed one, plus someone with an agonising decision to make and they'd be there.  
  
At that moment the elevator grinded to a halt between floors. The lights flickered and they were plunged into darkness.  
  
"Oh I bet no one saw that coming!" snarled Smith sarcastically in the darkness.  
  
"Actually." Said a voice "I did."  
  
The Oracle.  
  
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?" yelped Benius.  
  
"Cookies."  
  
"For the last time that can't be the answer to everything!" said Morpheus.  
  
"Yes it is, and it can" she said calmly, and then nodded at Morpheus "You will find the one-have a cookie!" She next nodded at Trinity "You will fall in love with the one- have a cookie!" Next, Benius's turn "Your money will get stolen by the one- have a cookie! She turned to Neo now very angry "You are the _bloody_ one –Have a cookie!" - You didn't complain at the time after you stuck f a tray of oatmeal and raisin in your mouth, leaving spoon boy with nothing!"  
  
Nobody knew what to say after that. They sat in the darkness, a good half of them wondering who they should eat first. Popular choice went towards Smith. After a while Neo broke the silence  
  
"You know we could just open the hatch in the roof, and crawl down the elevator shaft."  
  
There was a pause then- "Ha! I thought you were serious there for a moment!" "Good one!" "That's pretty funny" "As if we would!" "I knew you were going to say that!"  
  
"No really we could!" Neo pushed open the hatch and climbed on top.  
  
At that the six inhabitants of the lift gasped a collective gasp.  
  
"Neo" "You" "Just" "Can't" "Think" "Of" "The" "Children!"  
  
"Oh stop being such sissies, I'll, I'll (his voice cracked with emotion)" die to get my friends out I will!"  
  
And with that he jumped.  
  
"AAArrrghhhIFEELSOALIVEBUTI'MACTUALLYFALLINGTOMYDEATH.THAT'SODDISN'TITSURELY ISHOULDBEFEELINGAFRAIDBUTI'MNOTBECAUSEI'MSOBRILI-OOFF" yelled Neo.  
  
For our hero, everything went black, in his heart he could feel the love for his friends, his enemies, and the beauty of the rather sacrifice he made for them- it was the most wonderful thing to have done. He saw a light and knew that now he would be congratulated for his deed.  
  
"Oi Neo" said a voice. It was Morpheus. "Like our program?"  
  
Neo sat up he was in a big white area. The construct. Smith, Benius, and the oracle had gone, and Trinity and Morpheus were eating something.  
  
"You mean I went through all that physiological pain, FOR NOTHING!?"  
  
"Yup" said Trinity."Life sucks, Neo. –Have a cookie."  
  
THE END  
  
So thus, the end. Thanks to all my faithful reviewers, big apologies to all the names I spelt wrong. Please still review and let me know what you think of the final chapter. (Or reminisce on your favourite parts)Thanks very much. Chinchilla in a bowl


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